CUTE WAITER at Flappers Burbank

I found this on Craigs list when I googled my very own Flappers Comedy Club…
PLEASE READ THIS LINK  IT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF
BRN30055C0EF675_007175
I
 can’t make this stuff up people….

I’m not sure how to make this work but maybe someday these two can hook up!:)

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Police Officer argues over whether he has to have ID or not

This is yet another true and fun story.  We recently held a party for a group of police officers.
One of the officers went to the Bartender and asked her for a drink.  The Bartender said Sure but “Can I check your ID first”
The Officer said “Really you have to check my ID”  and the Bartender said “Yes you look underage, we don’t want to get in trouble serving minors”
The officer said “Yeah but we’re having a party here, can’t you just make an exception?” and continued to argue with our Bartender over getting a drink.
Our bartender said “Sure as long as you can make an exception next time you pull me over for a speeding ticket, we got a deal!”

 

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Sorry I’ve been to work late more than Once!

This is an actual communication between an employee we fired.

ME- The Boss:
Sorry “Anonoymous Employee so that I may protect their anonymity” we are going to have to let you go because you have been consistently late.

Employee:
Ok, I understand, but can you write me a letter of recommendation about my reliability?

ME- The Boss: (WHAT I WANTED TO SAY BUT NEVER SENT)
No, but I can surely write you a referral of stupidity letter. You might want to inform your new employer that you are not going to there for your first day.

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Breaking up is hard to do!

ACTUAL LETTER FROM GUEST
I’m sorry but we’re not going to be able to make it tonight.  Breaking up with the girlfriend and she’s trashing my apartment as we speak.
There’s no coming back from this one.  Thanks Anyways!  Signed Jeff C.

MY CORPORATE RESPONSE
Thank you Jeff,
We will cancel your reservation, hope to see you again soon!
Barbara Holliday
Flappers Comedy Club & Restauarant

THE RESPONSE I ACTUALLY WANTED TO SEND
Dear Jeff,
No worries we got your back.  You sound like such a sweet guy, I’m glad you are getting rid of that bitch!
You’re gonna need a good laugh after your breakup,  I’m setting aside a cleaning lady and lots of extra tickets for you!
Please call us when its all over, we’ll be here for you!

With heartfelt symptahy,
Barbara Holliday
Flappers owner and also a recipient of trashed apartment once!

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Tender Luttuce

 

tendergreens_spellsLettucewrong
Dear Tender Greens,

Just noticed something on your menu.   You may want to run a spell check on your website.
Of all the words you can spell incorrectly Lettuce-  really !  Perhaps you stick to the word Greens!

P.S.  Your food is dellicous! (SP)  LOL

Sincerely
Barbara Holliday

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Incredible Edibles and Potent POTAbles

On our show tickets we have a wonderful old timey saying “Incredible Edibles and Potent POTAbles”
A Guest just called on the phone and asked ” Does that mean that you sell POT and snacks afterwards becuase my parents are very conservative”
I replied “No, it means potent potables like strong drinks, but the pot is a great idea! thanks for the suggestion.”

Barbara Holliday
Owner and Receptive Phone Answerer

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Need a Romantic Table for Three Please?

Of course the names have been changed to protect the innocent! But these are actual emails I have received at the club.

Dear Flappers Comedy Club – Burbank,

This is an alert to notify you that the following reservation has been made:

Guest Name: Samantha Allen
Date: Sunday, February 12, 2012
Time: 7:00 PM
Party Size: 3
Reservation Note: I need my table to be extremely romantic because I’m inviting an guy friend that has no idea I like him.  The third seat is for a stranger to sit just in case it doesn’t work out between us.

THE RESPONSE I WANT TO WRITE BUT DON’T:

Dear Samantha,   You might want to watch out,  I had a similar email from a man that I believe could possibly be your potential guy friend… you tell me.

Guest Name: Jonathan “Hates Dates” Simpson
Date: Sunday, February 12, 2012
Time: 7:00 PM
Party Size: 3
Reservation Note: I need my table to be extremely public and “non-romantic”  because a “girl” friend of mine has invited me tonight out to the comedy club and I think she likes me as more than a friend.  I hope the comedian on stage heckles us! The third seat is for my Mom, thought I would bring her too just to be safe.

MY CORPORATE RESPONSE:

Dear Samantha,
Thank you so much for your reservation. We’ll do our best to give you the most romantic table we can!

Looking forward to making you Laugh
Barbara Holliday

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Carpet Stank

ACTUAL CUSTOMER YELP REVIEW:
Chicken wings are AWFUL. fatty, undercooked, not crispy. carpet needs to be cleaned in this club OR changed. smells a bit like corn chips or dirty feet. I’d go back again, GREAT date spot for the awesome comedians. good show overall.

THE REPSONSE I WANT TO WRITE BUT DONT:
Our chicken wings are twice as big as buffalo wild wings and are baked- not fried- that is why they are not crisp. In regards to the carpet, we’ve only been in business 4 years, and why are you smelling our carpet. I don’t get close enough to carpet in a public place to tell what it actually smells like, we’ve never even served corn ships in the building. But I’m glad you’ll be back . I’ll be sure and spray some annoying and terrible smelling Febreze on our carpet so it will smell better. You might want to check out some of the other comedy clubs in the area for a carpet comparison.

MY CORPORATE RESPONSE:
Thank you so much for your yelp review, its patrons like you that help us improve. We’ll definietly pass your suggestions along to management.
Thank You
Barbara Holliday

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Stand Up Student Who Doesn’t Want to Perform

LETTER FROM A STUDENT

Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2010  10:40 PM
To: Barbara@FlappersComedy.com
Subject: Do We have to perform?

So now that we have finished the Beginning Class and have a performance showcase, do people have to watch us perform?  Why would they want to pay to see us perform?.
Jennifer

__________________________________________________________________________________________

FIRST RESPONSE- THE LETTER I WANT TO SEND BUT DON’T

Dear Jennifer,
I agree, Why in the hell would you want to perform after spending 350.00 and six weeks of your life on a performance class?  It does seem ridiculous to have to get up on stage and perform the stand up comedy that you just learned to write.  I don’t understand why anyone would want to have a goal such as this.  It truly does seem terrifying.
Please do not get on our stage and practice what you have learned from us.  It Might make us look bad.  Thanks

Barbara Holliday

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THE CORPORATE RESPONSE –  THE LETTER I ACTUALLY SENT

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks you so much for taking classes with us at Flappers University.  We truly appreciate the support and will do our best to support you.  No you do not “HAVE” to perform.  We wish you the best of luck with your performance endeavors.

Sincerely,
Barbara Holliday

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

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Shocked Guest

LETTER FROM A GUEST

Sent: Thursday, February 6, 2014 12:33 PM
To: Barbara@FlappersComedy.com
Subject: Shocked

Hello,

I visited Flappers for my first time last Friday, January 31st for my birthday. We had a group of 5 ladies. I wish I could say it was enjoyable, but ended up feeling very uncomfortable as for some God awful reason you allow children to view your shows. It was bad enough a mom and dad brought their 15 yr, but then sitting right up from was a man with his 12 yr old daughter, who by the way announced she had been there 8 TIMES!

I could see other mothers in the room cringed at every joke knowing this baby was (oh and who dressed very inappropriately for a 12 yr old) sitting in the same small room with us. Some of the jokes directed right at her. One comic thought she was on a date with this man.

You really need to reconsider what age is appropriate to allow at your shows.
Shameful Betty Jones

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FIRST RESPONSE- THE LETTER I WANT TO SEND BUT DON’T

Dear Betty,

It’s awesome that you man-hating ladies decided to come out to together on a Friday night.  You are so right!  I can’t believe that little slut was dressed so badly, I would have worn something Red with a little more cleavage.  I also agree that 12 year olds are definitely babies, in fact I brought over the high chair, but they refused.   It’s also very perceptive of you to judge other parents and their right to let there children hear free speech.   By the way our Host Michael Rayner is a Christian comedian and I’m pretty sure you guys go to the same Church, do you know him?  He always invites his young girls to come and see the evening shows.   By the way we do encourage pedophiles to bring their young dates to our club, as long of course as they observe our Two Item per Pedophile rule.

Enflamed and Shamed
Barbara Holliday

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THE CORPORATE RESPONSE –  THE LETTER I ACTUALLY SENT  02/06/2014

Dear Betty,

Thank you so much for supporting Flappers Comedy Club & Restaurant .  We do inform all guests that “Because we are a full service restaurant all ages are welcome but  we suggest that guests be 18+ for the Night Shows, since we can’t always control the content of what the comedians say onstage”   We do NOT encourage young people to attend these evening shows, however,  we do choose NOT to deny the parents their own free will to bring teenagers to the shows.  We also suggest that folks under 18 attend our Family Friendly shows on Saturday and Sunday.  We really appreciate your comments and will do our best to enforce our age suggestions for shows.  Thanks and we look forward to making you laugh again soon.
Sincerely,
Barbara Holliday

 

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